The Madness of a Cloud: Canto VII

 Canto VII

New Co-Op Cashier False Doppelganger Arguments

1227:1739 .706

Cloud just at that moment 

had begun to recapitulate, 

this time to the two of them—

Aerith and Tifa—

how it wasn’t actually the case 

that he’d seen the being, 

no, there wasn’t in fact 

an actual physical being 

in that sense of the phrase—

it wasn’t like the men in the black 

cloaks they’d be following in Rebirth 

(were either of them 

familiar with that plotline yet?). 

He’d just began to explain this 

to the both of them, 

and Cloud didn’t feel any different 

about it necessarily—

the fact that he was telling 

the both of them—Tifa was behind the bar 

and Aerith just happened to be there. 

It was fine. Were they familiar 

with Rebirth yet? Probably not, right? 

But no, in this case Cloud had been 

fucking, you know, just sitting 

on this carpet in Wutai at the time—

he sat on the carpet cross-legged, 

and then he suddenly intuited 

a "purely divine being" emanating 

in the triangle head encapsulated 

in the perfectly square design 

that repeated endlessly 

throughout the entire carpet. 

This triangle head was what 

Cloud could only describe 

as a "laughing Allah", 

that’s how it struck him—

there wasn’t really a question about it 

in Cloud’s mind, and it was actually beautiful. 

Yes, a "laughing Allah" 

was the only way he could describe the divine being, 

which certainly "communicated with him" 

as he sat cross-legged in Wutai 

in a somewhat mystical manner, 

albeit not quite verbally, 

but the being certainly 

communicated in a way 

that caused Cloud to smile. 

Cloud—smile?! The two women 

found that totally hilarious! 

Tifa nearly fucked up 

the beer she was pouring 

she was so surprised to hear 

Cloud of all people 

talking about himself "smiling", 

but neither Tifa nor Aerith 

found this anecdote of Cloud’s 

to be disingenuous in any way—

in fact they both fully supported 

Cloud’s confessions and more often 

than not even found them 

legitimately intriguing 

(but there were, of course, 

some exceptions!), 

albeit they generally 

found the anecdotes intriguing 

in a one-on-one setting, 

as opposed to this FFM arrangement. 

But that was clearly fine! 

It just so happened Aerith 

was around and she popped in the bar. 

No big deal at all! 

Yet, while contemplating whether or not 

another Moscow Mule 

was advisable or not, 

Cloud expressed quite vigorously 

that he wanted to relay 

a subsequent anecdote 

that he viewed apropos 

of the carpet encounter, 

if that was okay? Of course! 

Well, specifically 

it was that when 

he popped into his local co-op 

grocery store that morning, 

for just a few minor items, 

a couple hand fruits really, 

and the new cashier asked him—

right as he shifted his headphones 

up off of his ears 

to start the formalized sales transaction—

if his "brother or something" 

went there sometimes?—

to the grocery store? 

Did Cloud "have a brother" by any chance? 

Because she, the new cashier, 

felt like she’d seen him before? 

Well, 

Cloud said to the cashier, 

thinking about it for a second, 

he found it quite possible 

that this alleged 

doppelganger was actually 

fucking just him!—Cloud himself!—

that the cashier was 

in that particular instance 

confusing Cloud "for his actual self", 

that this cashier 

"only believed she’d seen" 

someone who looked "just like Cloud" before 

because she’d, in fact, 

seen Cloud before. 

He walked away just momentarily, 

he told Tifa and Aerith, 

just to toss his basket back 

into the stack of baskets 

behind the automatic 

doors. Yeah, he’d take one more 

Mule, please Tifa? 

The new cashier was chuckling 

when Cloud arrived back 

at the checkout counter 

ready to pay for his shit—

she was in the process of entering 

the item number for his red quinoa, 

chuckling alone—

"it could’ve been you" she repeated, 

chuckling, but then, 

Cloud relayed 

to Tifa and Aerith, 

she actually came around to Cloud’s particular hypothesis. 

The new cashier, 

after thinking about it, 

came to agree with Cloud, 

that she actually probably had seen him 

in the grocery store before, 

and that she’d just now erroneously 

figured he had a brother, 

when in fact this hypothetical brother 

was "actually just Cloud himself". 

Tifa considered, 

after she’d ingested the full anecdote 

and served Cloud 

his refreshed Moscow Mule, 

that it was somewhat likely 

that the cashier wanted to 

quote-unquote suck his cock, 

and Cloud didn’t necessarily 

disagree with the notion!—

he certainly considered it 

possible, that this cashier 

may have been amenable 

to something like that, 

but that wasn’t quite the point! 

There was a type of wisdom 

latent in the exchange, 

wasn’t there?—

regardless of whether or not 

the cashier wanted to 

"perform fellatio" on Cloud? 

Aerith, by contrast, 

took a more philosophical angle 

to her analysis 

of the encounter, 

because she agreed with Cloud 

that the cashier exhibited 

a certain spiritual insight, 

even if it was inadvertent. 

Aerith, for her part, 

didn’t put much of any stock 

into the cashier’s intentions, 

whether or not they were sordid, 

benign, or simply indifferent. 

Upon acknowledging this 

Tifa noted that she recognized 

Aerith’s point of view as valid, 

that it was probably 

the "right way to take it in", 

even if she, Tifa, 

wasn’t personally at the point 

of participating in quite that level 

of objectivity 

(if they could, in fact, call it that). 

Cloud noted that, 

at the end of the day, 

he couldn’t help it if 

a "certain person felt an urge" 

to suck his cock—that whether or not 

someone wanted to suck anyone’s cock 

is something ultimately unknowable, 

that he couldn’t simply 

toss potential spiritual encounters 

to the wayside purely because 

of a purported sordid subtext 

or intention. Both women 

agreed with this, 

yet perhaps Aerith 

just a tad more than Tifa?—

not to say Tifa was somehow 

beside herself with jealousy 

in any material way—no, 

this distinction between Tifa and Aerith 

was probably rooted more so 

in Aerith’s basically absurd ability 

to remain philosophically 

undeterred about other women 

while steeped in an obvious love triangle. 

Did she even like Cloud, really? 

Because it was really quite evident 

that Cloud, Tifa, and Aerith 

were "collectively entwined 

in a sort of love triangle", 

but Aerith, for her part, 

maintained quite the unique ability 

to remain essentially 

philosophical about it all—

she didn’t seem to allow feelings of jealousy 

to overcome her in the least 

when Cloud relayed anecdotes 

about cashiers that, 

if the three were being honest, 

clearly wanted to whip 

the guy’s cock out and suck on it 

for an extended interval of time. 

Did she even really like Cloud? 

His individual feelings on the situation 

were a little ambiguous, 

even when he was all alone—

Cloud was of course incapable 

of assessing his own feelings 

for somewhat obvious reasons. 

An Aborted Anime Opera, Pt. 3

Two midgets eating delicious looking rice bowls at Xaco Taco. 

Repeating the phrases 

“There is no image.” 

“There is no memory.” 

There’s no image and there’s no memory. 

Sans image and memory we can start to approach the fundamental nature of the universe as such. 

Triple egg omelet 

with the kalamata olives. 

A chest crevice stained 

in a permanent ink of sorts. 

Cuddly beavers eat vegetables from the hands of well intentioned human beings. 

The small bottles of soju were only eight bucks a piece. 

.804 (Dreaming of Upper Midgar)

Note: This is a portion of a book-length macrotonal poem (The Madness of a Cloud) forthcoming from Blue Velvet Review

Cloud found it a tad befuddling, just because Tifa said she’d had an odd dream about him the previous night, and he’d replied bluntly that he didn’t usually have dreams about people he knew, somehow completely purging the fact from his mind that, just that night, he’d had a vivid dream involving one of his first girlfriends and her current (to the best of Cloud’s knowledge) spouse. How could that have possibly slipped his memory, given the vivacity of the dream itself? Barrett didn’t have a clue either, really. His ex and her husband were living with Cloud and his fictional wife in a modest condo they’d been leasing in Upper Midgar, yet he told Tifa he “never dreamt” about people he knew, yet perhaps the most befuddling aspect of it was that when he’d said that to her he actually believed it! Cloud’s ex-girlfriend and his fictional wife had become somewhat friendly in the dream, in the condo, and the whole ordeal, in Cloud’s dream, struck him as totally fine initially. His fictional wife was obscured, a pure mirage, while his ex was an image of how he’d known her in the past, not how she was now (not that he knew how she was now!), but eventually Cloud began to come to the realization that this was his ex-romantic interest, and that his current wife and ex-girlfriend becoming friends was an absolutely cataclysmic development for him socially, that it was the probably worst thing that could possibly happen to his marriage. 

[C][l]oud [f]ound it a [t]ad [b]e[f][u]dd[l]ing, j[u][s]t [b]e[c][au]se [T]ifa [s]aid sh[e]’d h[a]d [a]n [o]dd [d][r][e]am [a][b]out him the [p][r][e]v[i]ous night, and h[e]’d [r]e[p][l]ied [b][l]unt[l][y] that he [d]i[d]n’t usual[l][y] have [d]reams a[b]out [p][e]o[p]le h[e] knew, somehow [c]om[p][l][e]te[l][y] [p]urging the [f][a][c]t [f]rom his m[i]nd th[a]t, just that n[i]ght, [h]e’d [h]ad a [v]i[v]id dream in[v]ol[v]ing one of his [f]i[r]st gi[r]l[f]riends and he[r] [c]u[r]rent (to the [b]e[s]t of [C][l]oud’s know[l]edge) [s][p]ouse. [H]ow [c]ould th[a]t [h][a]ve [p][o[s]si[b][l]y [s][l]i[p]ped his [m]e[m]o[r][y], given the [v]i[v]a[c]it[y] of the [d][r]eam it[s]elf? [B]ar[r]ett [d]i[d]n’t have a [c][l]ue [e]ither, [r]eal[l][y]. [H]is ex and [h]er [h]usband were [l][i]v[i]ng w[i]th [C][l]oud and h[i]s [f][i][c]tional wi[f]e in a [m]o[d]est [c]on[d]o they’d been l[ea]sing in Up[p]er [M]idgar, yet he [t]old [T][i][f]a he “[n]ever [d]reamt” about [p]eo[p]le he k[n]ew, yet [p]erha[p]s the [m]o[s]t be[f]uddling a[s][p]e[c]t of it [w]as that [w]hen he’d said th[a]t to [h]er [h]e [a][c]tua[l]l[y] [b]e[l][ie]ved it! [C][l]oud’s ex-girlfriend and h[i]s [f][i][c]tional [w]i[f]e had [b]e[c]ome s[o]me[w]h[a]t [f][r]iend[l][y] i[n] the [d][r][e]am, i[n] the [c]on[d][o], and the wh[o]le or[d][e]al, in [C][l]oud’s [d][r]eam, st[r]u[c]k him as total[l][y] [f]ine [i]n[i]tial[l][y]. H[i]s [f][i][c]tional [w]i[f]e [w]as ob[s][c]u[r]ed, a [p]u[r]e [m]irage, [w]hile his ex [w]as [a]n [i][m]age of [h]ow [h]e’d k[n]own [h]er in the [p]ast, [n]ot [h]ow she was [n]ow ([n]ot that [h]e k[n]ew [h]ow she was [n]ow!), [b]ut eventua[l]ly [C][l]oud [b]egan [t]o [c]ome [t]o the [r]ea[l]ization [th]at [th]i[s] was his ex-[r]oman[t]i[c] in[t]ere[s]t, and that his [c]u[r]rent wi[f]e and ex-girl[f][r]iend [b]e[c]oming [f][r]iends was [a]n [a][b]solutely [c]ata[c]l[y]s[m][i][c] deve[l]op[m]ent for him [s]ocial[l]y, [th]at it [w]as [th]e [p]ro[b]a[b]l[y] [w]or[s]t [th]ing [th]at [c]ould [p]o[s]si[b]l[y] [h]a[p]pen to his [m]arriage. 

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